Now that I’m in charge of twitter, comedy is now legal!
Okay so all comedy is legal on twitter except for jokes about me.
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*twitter servers go down*
So, someone, not naming names, forgot to pay the google bill and we’ve had to switch to our own servers now. But everything is fine.
Okay, so our own servers can’t handle all the users at once so we’re going to limit the amount of tweets you can see each day. 600 tweets for poor people and a thousand for twitter blue subscribers.
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Someone is spreading lies about me, saying I had sex with a cat in collage while high on cocaine. This is completely untrue, I have never taken cocaine.
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Twitter is now going to be called 𝕏 instead of twitter, effective immediately!
So we paid someone to take down the sign outside that said twitter but we forgot to get a permit. Now the police have stopped them from taking down the rest of the sign. So now the sign just says “er”.
Also it looks like mark Zuckerberg already trademarked “X” for social media and Bill Gates trademarked it for everything else. Which is fine because we’re now changing the name to “er” to match the sign.
Stop saying my wife left me!
I’ve put a new logo up on the roof, it’s a giant X covered in incredibly bright lights. I’ve added some strobe effects to really make it stand out. I couldn’t find a drill so I’ve secured it down with some sand bags. I’m quite proud of myself really.
*a few moments later*
The old people across the street are complaining about the new sign. They’re saying the strobe lights are causing seizures. It’s not my problem they’re can’t take the sheer intensity of my genius.
*a few hours later*
I’ve had to barricade the doors because the building inspectors want to see the new sign, they’re claiming that I can’t just have it held down with sand bags.
*some door smashing later*
I’ve got rid of the new sign. Yeah I didn’t like it.
I just found out half of all twitter… er I mean X, have me blocked!
STOP IGNORING ME!
Right, I’m deleting the block button!
We don’t even need it really. It’s not like it even does anything. We can get rid of it and I bet no one will even notice.
Note: the ability to “block abusive content” is a requirement for any social media app to be made available on the Apple App Store or the Google play store.
